July 3, 2012 § Leave a comment
I’m not an activist. I confess, I have not put together my opinion on the government, much. But I had my camera on me to document this (by-now) annual protest on July 1st. I was moved by how many people attended. I was also in awe of the power in the atmosphere when there’s such number crying out EVERYWHERE I turn on the streets of Causeway Bay. (400,000 people) For one second, I thought I was gonna cry because so many people chose to partake a role in this extreme heat and chaos. I was scared for the police force, it was a 100:1 ratio, when I was trapped like sardine in the crowd for a good 40 minute, I thought someone was gonna step on somebody, and step on somebody. This year was Hong Kong’s election year, and needless to say, people weren’t very happy. (they didn’t get to vote) While everyone can recognize great things accomplished since the city was returned to China in 1997, but there are still many things to be changed, basic human rights to be protected, questions to China to be voiced out. Hong Kong is currently the only place in China for anyone to do this “safely” for now. What is your opinion on this? Do you think it gets any attention? Do you think this is effective? What other way are there? Should people be scared/angry with the government?
I know I should have an opinion on this. But I don’t feel the anger for the system right now. Is that really horrible?
May 18, 2012 § Leave a comment
still haven’t recovered to be wordly expressive enough. Ive been reading alot, and working on music and art.
enjoy this random video of bobo falling asleep in with my new guitarlele. lol
see you soon.
ok the video totally didnt get to upload. sorrry. idk how to use my phone video thing and the upload thing on wordpress.
April 29, 2012 § Leave a comment
March 19, 2012 § Leave a comment
Great movies are usually love stories.
love stories with a tragic ending are extra great
b/c nothing pierce us more than a heartbreak.
To love, and be loved in return. This quote from Moulin Rouge has lived permanently in my head since heard (i think in like 2001?) L-O-V-E, Human beings are addicted to the idea of Love. It can be love between your better half or from your parents. Or even love from co-workers, and love from the world. anything with love. We are obsessed. As mentioned from the previous posts. We human beings were born with this disease–“loveme-ritis” (ok you get the point.) Clearly, we need acceptance. We want to be loved.
I believe the truth to our existence is to find LOVE.
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. ~Mother Teresa
This also turns us into zombies. It keeps us busy. so busy. It makes power, money, authority so key in our society. We secretly want or think something within us is better than others. Simply just look at fb: we’re so busy status-ing, lurking, posting, expressing, cover-uping. We’re zombies. Insecure zombies. Then all insecure zombies turns into hateful monsters. because zombies don’t give true love to zombies. Humans are not capable to produce 100% pure with lots of pulp unconditional, unselfish LOVE. So it gets nasty. can get nasty when we find out the other zombie doesn’t reciprocate your fake love.
ok, I’m not a good writer, I’ve always asked a better writer friends to -rewrite- all my papers b/c i would get insecure about writing. So I don’t know if you understand what i’m saying. I should probably apply this to ME. I confess, I loved being loved. I was obsessed with being loved. Not only by my significant others, but by everyone, even people I don’t know, I secretly want them to love me. (forgive me for telling you this, but you are this way too. it is deeply rooted in us) Recently, my heart was broken. I was a serious mess. And you know, it’s not like i haven’t been through pain, I have been through my share of confrontations, conflicts, some major heartbreaks in the past, from other zombies, relationships, to friendships, even grieving of passing love ones, but THIS recent case was different. . I was woken up. In the past, if the “target” don’t gimme some love back, my heart automatically turns hard and protected, (i had this button that turns me into iron, so no spears of any kind can pierce in.) I became really good at finding something else to love and just put on my happy disguise and break other’s people’s heart BACK for revenge, so my brokenheartedness would slowly get regenerated into a new (but smaller) one. Then cycle starts over and over and over. But this time, (it was over a new episode about my work colleagues relations), I couldn’t find that button in time, and my heart was shuttered so much that I can no longer find it. It was fragile, softed, broken. And this episode was just of some random people that I’ve only met maybe less than a year. But my Father soften my heart so mushy so that I actually felt a raw heartbreak. It was a finale realization-wakeup call that collectively represented each pieces of my brokenheart from every single events that happened since birth, I felt as if only David the psalmists really understood my pain. It was as if I had no where to turn but to come to the feet of the Father, and just cry out like a infant baby. This heartbreak was much necessary for my vessel to truly be broken. I feel like I’m not a zombie anymore. I feel like a freed-slave from giving and receiving fake zombie loves. It is beyond human understanding.
Love is the truth to our existence
Because only God is 100% pure lot of pulp love.
It only takes one encounter,
for you to truly be heartbroken, and humbled enough to see.
ok not trying to a cheesy, but I must remind you again true unconditional love:
Love is patient. love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. His Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13
March 7, 2012 § 3 Comments
What did you do yesterday? What was on your mind? Before I “retired” from my last busy position. Everyday seemed too short. 31’s not enough days. 24’s not enough hours. not enough ME. With no sleep, I’m still swamped with work. So my body became fragile, in the city of competition. I felt frail. weak. numb. I believe every single person, no matter what role you have. Feels like this at one point. Busy but Empty.
There is a weird shaped hole in your heart, that just. don’t. get filled. How many times have you felt like that so far? I have feel like this all the time.
I recall a short clip in my memory files during my first year in the states. When I my school, I quickly noticed I was the underdog. There was no questions about it. I did not fit in. The underdog gets laughed at, picked on, just plain neglected. It was obvious that the Chinese accent does not help. Fire amplified inside me. I made it a point, in my life that I would be the most popular kid in school, and one day, kids would ask me for english help. Bitterly enough, I quickly collected some sort of a drive, a cry, or a determination, an ignition. I would work day and night, correcting my words, my accent. For a middle school Asian person, words with R’s, L’s would lead to public humiltion, which equals to “the end of the world.” So I would cry ALOT, b/c i wanted to be “awesome” so bad. There were many late nights whisperings like “bread. bread. bread. bread. bra-ed. bra-ed.” til my brother in the bunk bed yells at me b/c i sounded like a ghost whispering to him. I devoted all my time to this. (apologies: since this is a blog post, I shall make it as brief as possible. so i’ll get to the main points. Though my stories are much juicier you don’t mind reading longer.) So let’s just say, with hard work, I made some accomplishments. I got into English Honors program. I later on became the senior class president in my school, super nerdly active, voted our school version’s “prom queen”, and continued to my SO CALLED “victories”. For your amusements, please see the exhibit below:
In retrospect. I wasted a lot of time, and energy on stuff that don’t really matter. I didn’t admit it back then, but I fell into a long dreaded depression. I neglected my family and things that are precious. I missed out on really enjoying my youth or school years because I projected all my life into the future. It’s weird. That was my dream back then. But on every “mountain” top. I still feel empty, unhappy, envious and pointless. So life goes on, chasing more dreams to fill that emptiness. At this moment. i’m a few years short from thirty, minus babies years. 😉 I realized, life depending on people, and earth, will never make you whole. BUT they sure costed a lot of time. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life. This radical poseur of my egocentric desires wears a thousand masks* Sure success, popularity or power are all great temptations, but that impostor we put on, was never really us. Accept yourself, the raw, real you. No more shallow conversations, no more fake Hi,Byes, no more making your schedule “busy”, no more kissing your bosses’ butt so much that you hate yourself when you get home, and no more blaming it to your past, or projecting your life into the future. Because: “Stop trusting other people to save you. Do not think too highly of them; they are only humans who have not stopped breathing yet.” Isaiah2:22 (erv)
There are 864,000 seconds per day.
Where are you gonna invest time on this day?
I truly hope you spend it wisely.*referenced from Brennan Manning’s Abba’s Child.
March 5, 2012 § Leave a comment
There is a ridiculous traditional today that happens once a year. Translates: “Put Curse on Your Enemy” day. I could not believe my eyes on how many people had “enemies” they wish to put “curses” on. This so called act consist of paying an old chinese lady to pound her shoe against a piece of paper with an animal shape, or drawing. I feel sorry for so much dislike in the city. (by the way, I totally speak against this act, and also it just does no make ZERO sense. if a two people puts their so called ‘curses’ on each other. who wins? the old lady, cuz she just made three hundo EACH. booya.)
ALTHOUGH. I admit to you, it does drive me CRAZY when I think about other’s opinions of me. Especially when certain people that just dislike me for no reason (or actually for many reasons.) We’re human. It is natural to have differences. It creates insecurity. I judge. therefore they judge. Then It becomes a cycle of judging each other in the mind, then criticizing indirectly, and directly if it gets worst. Feelings are hurt. And nobody feels good during this. everybody loses. And it’s NOT start on the whole “frienemy” thing. because then it just gets confusing, and especially in a place like Hong Kong, where this game becomes cut throat, ‘better than your TVB soap opera’ complicated, just straight up devious.
Now, I’ve been celebrating my presence on this planet for quite some years now. The “if you can’t win them, join them” DOES NOT WORK in this case. You can’t keep this “hate “cycle going, because this is how WAR starts. Hearts bleed. and it hurts.“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9, NIV).
But since it is natural the “thing” to bug your head for a while. Recently I’ve come up with a new solution to this:
Whenever someone really trespasses you. (first you need to forgive them. obviously. drop it.) then every time you think of this person, or situation: JUST say in your head “Bless them. Bless her. Bless him.” If you’re stuck in a situation where this person is REALLY BUGGIN your head. You’ll probably bless this person 50 times a day (like I do.) But I really think it works. You should try it. B/c it’s natural for us humans to NOT want the “enemy” to be blessed, having a fabulous life. But by doing this, not only are we getting right with God, but we’ll eventually forget those people. Joel Osteen’s wifey said this on her blog, that spoke to me also.
“In the same way, when we pursue peace with others, it doesn’t mean that we just refrain from arguing with them or that we just stay quiet around them. Peace takes effort. It happens when we make amends quickly and refuse to allow offense to take root in our hearts. You may not always agree with everyone around you, but you can still have peace when you agree to disagree and choose to respect the person even you have different views or opinions. one thing I find interesting about the oyster is that when a grain of sand, an offending irritant, makes its way into its shell, that oyster doesn’t let much time pass before it begins working to push out that irritant. In fact, it doesn’t let the sand linger at all because the oyster knows it will cause so much damage. In the same way for us, if we allow offenses to hang around, they will cause damage that can be nearly impossible to reverse. The results can be devastating in our own hearts and lives.Today, if you are holding on to an offense, let it go. Don’t wait another moment to seal off the bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. Nothing is worth the damage that offense can cause in your relationships and in your own life. Make the choice to cover the offense with love and pursue the “pearl” peace. Set your heart and mind on things above—things that matter in eternity. Make peace a priority because when you are a peacemaker, God says that you are blessed! You are connected to Him, and He will turn those hurts into priceless pearls for all eternity!”-victoria osteen
JUST LET GO.
i think this perfectly describes what makes people human. when people “break down” or have a emotional breakdown it is usually over a tradgedy or sadness of some kind. there is a strange beauty in this, because the heart of humanity is our emotions. although it can seem like the world is ending, when you feel like you cant sink any lower, just remember this: in order to feel that level of devastation, you had to have experienced something very very wonderful. be glad that it happened. there is truly beauty in that. -anonymous